Memos from the Middle

If I Were A Guy, I’d Be in a Bromantic Relationship

Like Cyndi Lauper famously belted out when I was too young to comprehend the societal implications, “Girls just wanna have fun.” The significance of that statement rests in the fact that girls are not allowed to engage in, or are socially ostracized for, the same behaviors that will garner a high-five and a sly smirk from a Dad to a son. It’s depressing and boring, and if you add to that mix the fact that mothers are even more concerned with upright, acceptable behaviors, Lauper’s “some fun” rings even truer. (I don’t have to have all the fun there is to have, but some fun would be a nice change of pace.) So when I sit down in the evening to get my full $7.99 worth of Netflix action, I can tell you that I watch with a bit of envious longing as I wind down from the day. I want a bromance, damnit, and I want it now.

After watching marathon runs of Scrubs, I can tell you with expert authority that there is an art to a lasting bromantic relationship. And because I have a ton of work I’m creatively trying to avoid, I’ve decided to share some must-haves for a perfect, television-inspired bromance.

1. Interracial Bromatic Relationships Are Funny:While a bromance can blossom from men of the same race/ethnicity, paradoxically debunking and upholding stereotypes is much harder to pull off in a single race relationship.
   

   Bro-tastic Duo! (from tumblr.com)

2. The Bros Need to Be about the Same Age: No one wants to see a bald, cranky octogenarian and a studly 20-something tearing it up (especially because for grandpa, “tearing it up” may literally mean his hip!).
   

   Age matters! (from fanpop.com)

3.  Both Partners Need to Be Smart:We all have that one dumb friend, right? You’re not really sure why you’re still friends, but the fact that you met in middle school (when your brains were fairly equal) keeps you going back. Well, in a proper bromantic relationship, although one or both of you may do dumb shit from time to time, there really is a solid  intellectual insight and capability that keep things from feeling utterly ludicrous.
   

   Don’t they look nerdy? (from reddit.com)

4. The Couple Needs to Be Willing to Share an Embrace: The bros have to be man enough to hug it out on occasion. That means that they are confident and don’t care if the world knows they love each other.
   

   “I’ve really missed you, Bro!” (from weheartit.com)

5. Bros Must Vary Their Routines from Time to Time: If that means role playing, so be it. Bros should have a costumer on hand just in case an occasion presents itself. 
   

   Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy (from scrubs.wikia.com)

6. Bromatic Friends Support One Another: Although one bro may have a penchant for something strange, the other bro, although he may occasionally poke fun of it, staunchly defends his bro by going along for the ride.
   

   Who’s Up for a Little Role-Play? (from scrubs.wikia.com)

   Honora-Bro Mentions:

• Shawn and Gus: Psyche
• Michael and Dwight: The Office
• Marshall, Barney, and Ted: How I Met Your Mother
• Martin, Cole, and Tommy: Martin
• Theo and Cockroach: The Cosby Show

Who’s your favorite television Bromantic Duo (or Trio)?