Memos from the Middle

Smack-Dab in the Middle of Living

Archive for the tag “pirate”

The Rules According to the Pirate

In the hallway at school:

Mommy: Who is the boss?
You are?
Mommy: But who’s the boss at school?
Pirate: I am!

At breakfast this morning:

Princess: Mommy, we’re forgetting something.
Mommy: Yes, Daddy’s on his way to the table now.
Princess: Yes, but we’re forgetting something else.
Princess: To say our prayers!
Mommy: Oh, you’re right! How did I forget that?
Pirate: I don’t have to say any prayers. I ate already!

In the kids’ room:

Princess: Mommy, D. just said that she is going to whip my butt?
Mommy: D., get in here right now!
Pirate: Yes, Mommy?
Mommy: Did you just tell M. that you were going to whip her butt?
Pirate: Yes.
Mommy: We don’t talk to each other like that! Do you hear me?
Pirate: Okay, okay. I’m going to whip your behind, Sister.

In the parking lot at Target:

Mommy: What are the rules for how we act in a store?
We have to listen and behave.
Pirate: And no punching strangers!

In the bathroom at home:

Mommy: Get back in there, Pirate, and wash those hands.
Pirate: But I didn’t pee on them!

In the kids’ room:

Mommy: What’s wrong?
D. spit on me!
Mommy: Are you kidding me, D.? We don’t spit on people! That’s nasty and mean!
Pirate: But what if she’s on fire?



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