Memos from the Middle

Sent

His body is weak. I’m not used to that. From the time we met, he has always been strong. And when I’ve been at my weakest, he’s been strength for me, too. Today, though, he’s on a bed in the ICU. Today, I’m the one trying to be strong for him, reminding him whose strength we really have (and always had) holding us up as individuals and as a couple.

When we were kids, promising loyalty to one another—in sickness and in health—we did not see this coming. We did not see the frailty. We did not see the anguish. It was light then. And easy. So we danced. We let sweat drench that wedding gown and that tuxedo as we held each other and laughed. We had fun. 

This isn’t fun. 

There is so little laughter. There’s been no dancing. But what we had then, we have now: the choice to do life together forever. The choice to stick close and champion each other. The choice to fight and go wherever God sends us.

In Psalm 105:17, the psalmist gives us insight into God’s perspective on hardship. 

“He sent a man before them, Joseph, who was sold as a slave.”

God sent Joseph to Egypt. God commissioned Joseph, dispatching him on official, covenant business. At the time, I’m sure Joseph did not feel special. I’m sure he didn’t feel called. When we struggle, it’s difficult to see our adversity as part of God’s divine design. We don’t always understand why God chose to allow our pain. 

Nowhere does it say that Joseph deserved the treatment he received. God gave him dreams of a grand future, but “until the time that his word came to pass, the word of the Lord tested him” (Psalms 105:19). There is an appointed time for all God has said to bear fruit. But until then, we will be tested. Until then, we will be refined by fires we don’t ask for. Until then, we are refashioned to look more and more like Christ.

Friend, what if the only way to your God-designed destiny was through an unimaginable struggle? What if fulfilling that Kingdom assignment were only possible through the “fetters” and “irons” God allows to shape you into the person He created you to be (Psalm 105:18)? What if your affliction is necessary for others to see that life with Christ is better than life without Him? 

I don’t want my husband in this room. I don’t want this turmoil for our kids. I don’t want to feel this hurt. But if God sent us, we’ll go. This struggle, this weakness is not in vain!