Memos from the Middle

Smack-Dab in the Middle of Living

Fat Pants

Yes, it's hard, but you can do it!

Yes, it’s hard, but you can do it!

Something is terribly wrong when my fat pants become my skinny pants. Please, oh please, tell me I’m not alone out there! Six weeks after the Princess was born, no one could tell that I had even had a baby. Six weeks after the Daredevil was born, I had a little left over pooch that was the last vestige of pregnancy. Here it is exactly 244 days after Mama’s Precious Baby graced the world, and I’ve outgrown my maternity clothes! Baby got back (and front and sides) galore, and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

Last weekend, I spent hours trying to find clothes that didn’t make me feel like an overstuffed burrito with meat bursting out the sides. I had reluctantly resigned myself to buying bigger clothes, but sitting on a fitting room bench crying tears of joy because I could actually sit down without feeling like I was going to pass out made me realize a couple of things: a) breathing is such an underrated phenomenon, and b) I can’t keep lying to myself about my size (I’m not just a little bloated!).

For those of you who, like me, have to face reality as you face the mirror, I’ve provided a few shopping tips and truths that are helping me cope with the added pounds until I find the time (between being a wife, mommy, and professional) to work out:

a) Eat a big breakfast. There’s nothing worse than trying on clothes after you’ve been on a pseudo-hunger strike for 12 hours just to realize a few days later that lunch isn’t an option in those pants. If you’re anything like me, lunchtime is a welcome respite during a trying day at work.

b) Get a good, reliable babysitter, and go shopping at 10 o’clock on a Saturday morning. No one is in the mall yet, so the sales people are not as annoyed. They are more inclined to be helpful (and bring over a tissue) when you realize that one size bigger just won’t cut it.

c) Don’t be afraid of color, patterns, or accessories. A few extra pounds isn’t a license for bland, boring clothing. Find something pretty. Find something you love. You deserve it.

d) Try it on before you buy it. Yes, it takes more time. Yes, it’s slightly aggravating when you end up trying on different sizes of the same blouse. But at least you’ll know for sure that it fits and looks good on you. Plus, fitting room mirrors catch angles your home mirror might not, and for me, that side view is invaluable.

e) Stop when you get tired (or when the crazies and crowds hit the mall). For me, that’s usually around 12:30. You don’t have to purchase a whole new wardrobe in one day, and (as an added bonus) Red Lobster is virtually empty. By the time you treat yourself to a few cheddar biscuits and a garlic shrimp entree, you’ll be glad that you went with that slightly more stretchy fabric.

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2 thoughts on “Fat Pants

  1. This is absolutely hilarious and so true! I’m about to go try on my fat pants right now!

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