Memos from the Middle

Smack-Dab in the Middle of Living

Archive for the tag “Mothers Day”

To Pee in Peace: A Mother’s Day Gift

Once upon a time, there was a woman who possessed the most serene existence. She was young, gray hairless, and stretch mark free. And no one ever, never ever, opened the door while she attempted to pee.

Isn’t it funny how the simplest things are the most treasured when you’re a mommy? While this is quite literally bathroom humor, I know that so many mommies feel me. In the mornings, I wake up first, hoping to run to the restroom before someone else wakes up. Inevitably, Bubba, hearing me cross the threshold of the bathroom, bursts through the door. “You’re using it, Mommy?”

“Yes, yes, I am. Can I please have some privacy?”

Then one of the girls wakes up. “Mommy, I really have to go. How long will you be?”

“Just give me a second. Please close the door.”

Now, mid-flush the other girl is up. “Can you hurry up? I really have to go!”

“Ok, but your brother and sister are before you. Close the door.”

I stand over the sink washing my hands like a maniac, trying to hurry up so that they can go. Thirty seconds after I depart I hear, “MMMMOOOOMMMMM! She’s just SITTING there! I know she’s not still peeing because I heard it stop! Make her hurry up!”

My husband asked me the other day what I wanted for Mother’s Day. “Listen, Babe,” I begin, “I know we can’t afford to build another bathroom right now, but please, for my sanity, just make them leave me alone while I pee!”

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