Memos from the Middle

Smack-Dab in the Middle of Living

Father’s Day “Nothing”

Today, we’re going to say “thank you” by buying you absolutely nothing! (from

Believe or not, I actually like my husband. Women should love their husbands, and I do, but less often do you hear about them actually liking the men they’ve chosen to spend the rest of their lives with, especially if years of matrimony have begun to erode the very fabric of their loving relationship. There are things I definitely don’t like about him like his leaving the cabinet doors open in the kitchen (I mean, really, how long could closing one take) or the violent war that takes place every day in his shoes (what’s the deal with those socks, babe), but on the whole, the man, husband, and father he is remains a great source of pride and affection for me.

So when he told me very matter-of-factly, with a litany of things we could spend the money on instead, that he wanted a big pile of “nothing” for Fathers Day, part of me died a little. We don’t typically buy gifts for one another at birthdays, Christmas, or even anniversaries, but Mothers Day and Fathers Day have been days that we can go all out and say how much we love each other and acknowledge the family contributions and sacrifices we both make daily. To make matters worse, my husband actually wants NOTHING. I’ve known him long and well enough to know when he’s serious, and he would be upset if I brought something home for him after he’s expressly asked me not to do so. What that really means to me is that now I have to be extra creative in trying to figure out how to interpret “nothing” into the perfect gift.

Here’s what I’ve come up with (for after church, that is; you’re not getting out of that, buddy)…

  • A Reprieve from the Diet: While it’s true that we both need to drop a few this year, one evening of food pleasure should be ok. If I cook, and I plan to, I can still watch the sodium and calories in that soul food meal I know he misses from all the fish and turkey he’s been forced to choke down lately.
  • Unlimited PS3 Gaming: For those of you who don’t have husbands totally into video gaming, thank your lucky stars because Lord knows this has been a battle for me on his off days when he was supposed to mop or do laundry. For Fathers Day, though, especially because he wants nothing, I can allow him to spend his entire evening (Jesus, give me strength) killing people in “war zones” (aka on their mothers’ couches) all across the world.
  • A Nagless Night: I’ve already told you all that I’m a nice nag, but nagging, nonetheless, is not fun for the person said nagging is directed toward. For one night, I promise to bridle my tongue and keep my eyes from rolling (I’ve gotten kind of good at nagging without saying a word) so that he can truly enjoy his gifts of “nothing” without feeling inadequate in any way.
  • Special Occasion Sex: Don’t act like I’m the only one who breaks out my best tricks for special occasions! If we did it like THAT all the time, we would never leave the house. But for Fathers Day, a certified special occasion in my book, it’s on, baby!

To all the dads out there, HAPPY FATHERS DAY!

Single Post Navigation

One thought on “Father’s Day “Nothing”

  1. Anonymous on said:

    Great ideas!

Let's Hear What You're Thinking...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: