Memos from the Middle

Sisters of Envy

“For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.” (James 3:16, NASB)

Oftentimes, the story of Leah and Rachel, from the book of Genesis, is regulated to the background of a larger story about the trickster Jacob, who is deceived by his uncle, Laban, into marrying Leah, though he was promised her younger sister Rachel’s hand in marriage. While many focus on the comeuppance Jacob receives (or the eventual comeuppance Laban receives), I wonder at the beginning of this Women’s History Month, what we can learn from these sisters who were thrust into a family structure neither of them desired.

In the patriarchal society Leah and Rachel were born into, marriage was likely the safest and most sensible option for women. And because marriage within the larger family clan was preferable, a long-lost cousin with a birthright and blessing would be seen as a catch.

But what happens when sisters must share a husband? What happens when the husband favors one over the other? What happens when the unloved bears children, sons specifically, while the beloved languishes in her barrenness?

We don’t have to be sister wives to understand the strife that ensues. If I have a few Oreos I have been pining for on the way home from work pilfered by grubby hands before I make it through the door, I’m upset. I start making up my own commandments, “Thou shalt not covet thy mother’s cookies!” I pout in my frustration or hope the silent treatment will convince everyone that announced or not the last Oreos in the cabinet belong to me. If the lack of America’s favorite cookie can agitate me, surely the family dynamic Leah and Rachel found themselves in was problematic.

We’re not offered much backstory about the sisters or their relationship prior to the arrival of Jacob at the well. What we do know, though, is that they were in a seemingly impossible situation where coexisting meant the routine sacrifice of one’s husband’s attention or affection to her sister. And even though they each had something the other desired (e.g., Leah had sons, and Rachel had Jacob’s love), neither was content. They both wanted more to validate their worth.

And that’s where I’ll leave Leah and Rachel and consider us, modern-day women. Are our eyes so fixated on what we see our sisters have that we fail to find contentment with what God has blessed us with? Is comparison tethering us to fruitlessness, ingratitude, and inaction? Are we so consumed by the optics of life that we hide our struggles and pretend that appearances are reality, preventing our sisters from learning with us as we all endeavor to be courageous and persevere through our own impossibilities?

I pray that this month women in particular learn to be grateful for our blessings. I pray that we celebrate our sisters and walk alongside one another as we journey through life. May we remember the power of unity and love as we uplift each other and root for one another even when it means we get less of what we desire. There is room for us all in the Kingdom of God!